How to avoid "business time" with TSA agent when flying with a baby

posted this on facebook first, but just so more people hear about it and be aware I'll post it here too

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I'm tagging parents, especially moms I know and people who know parents as well, so you or someone you know could avoid going through what I went through. I'm also including people in Iowa specifically since it involved the Cedar Rapids Airport. I'm trying to find the humor in the situation (hence the title, a flight of the conchords reference) but I am still literally holding back tears as I recall what happened while we going through security at the Cedar Rapids Airport.

Yesterday, Paul, Max and I were headed back to Columbus from Iowa where we spend the 4th of July weekend seeing Paul's family. We got to the airport with lots of time to spare so we hung out with grandpa for a while longer before going through security. There was absolutely no lines for security so we were probably a lot more relaxed than usual. I was submitting our boarding passes and IDs so Paul ended up holding Max while I started unloading the carry-ons, which is the opposite of what we usually do. The agents were really nice and polite greeting us and cooing over Max. I put Paul's backpack down first and was getting my quart bag of liquids out of mine. Paul's bag went through then the agent asked if we had baby food and I said we did but it was in Paul's bag and I forgot to take it out since I thought it was in Max's diaper bag. I don't know if it's just me but I like to travel with a lot of food for Max because you just might get stuck at an airport for hours and aside from bananas, I've never seen baby food being sold at the airport. We also made sure that each container was less than 3 oz. and they all fit in a quart bag. Granted we did forget to get it out of the bag but I've done that before and they usually just run the bag through again.

So they told me that they had to test the baby food and I had to go through to the gate while they check the bags. This wasn't the first time I've flown with Max (this is his 5th trip that involved flying) and we've had milk and baby food tested before. Usually they just open the containers if they are not sealed and do the test or they just test the sealed container and our hands. We've had one time (also at Cedar Rapids) where the agent insisted on opening the sealed bottles of formula so we had to throw them out. Good thing I nurse Max so we only had those as a back up. Anyway, after I entered the gate the agent started going through the pat down procedure with me. At first I thought I would be ok with a patdown since I've seen so many people going through it. I was wearing a skirt so when she started talking about "going up your leg to your torso" I said " But I'm wearing a skirt". She said it was ok because she wasn't going to lift it up and I could get a private pat down if I wanted to. I started to say yes to that but we were getting short on time and I figured better for Paul to see the whole thing really than go through the patdown by myself.

The agent was as polite as you could possible expect and was explaining every step of the patdown but man, that was such a horrifying and humiliating experience. Of course as she started doing the pat down a flight probably got out and the security being at the bottom of the escalators from arrival every single passenger was coming down during the entire thing. And when she said going "up the legs to the torso" her hand went up to the groin area twice on both sides. Remember, this was my bare legs and she went up to my underwear. I could now add "TSA agent" to the list of people who've been to third base with me along with my husband and gynecologist. She did the lower half first and I swear I don't remember how the pat down of the top half went because I was in such a shock. After the pat down was over, we hurriedly got our stuff together and got out of there. I started crying as soon as we were out of security area. It just kept getting worse because I kept going through the whole thing in my mind thinking about what did I do wrong, what should I have said, why did they pick me and not Paul (who had the baby on his ticket and in whose bag the baby food was in). I just held Max so tight to make me feel better. I kept tearing up all through the flight. I really wanted to tell everybody on the flight "I hope you all feel safer since TSA just ensured that I can't make a bomb with baby food and things I may or may not have hidden in my groin!". Good thing I remembered joking about bombs on a plane is not a good idea :p

I felt better when we got to O'hare but once we got home I started feeling horrible again. I started blaming myself then blaming Paul then back to me again. I kept asking what was wrong with me that this was bothering me so much. I didn't want Paul to touch me. It's still difficult writing this down because, I don't know, maybe I really am overly sensitive but I really would like get this out there so more women won't be subjected to this humiliation.

If I would do it again I would do a couple things differently:

1. Don't wear a skirt - seriously I never even thought of this before. I wear mostly skirts in the summer and I like wearing this specific skirt at the airport because it had a lot of pockets. But apparently, "land of the free" doesn't include freedom to wear a skirt to the airport unless you want to be violated.
2. Remember to take out the quart bag of liquids - this is what I've been kicking myself for but I have to realize I can't undo the past but if you remember to do this maybe it might be less likely for you to get a patdown. But then they do random patdowns too so whatever.
3. Bring solid baby food if possible - I might try to go without pureed baby food for the other relatively short flights. Starbucks always has bananas and oatmeal. I really hope airports start selling baby food. I see enough people travelling with babies, I'm sure people will buy it.
4. Fly through airports with a scanner- I hate the idea of body scans but if I had to choose, I'll take the scan each time!
5. Don't fly at all - not really a choice for us (try driving 12 hours with a baby) but this specific trip was really important. Also Max and I already have tickets for our next trip to the Philippines. Hopefully since we're flying through Atlanta, we won't encounter this again.

So that's my story. I hope I get over this soon. Please pray for my peace of mind as I am still a bit shaky from this experience. I really think this whole procedure is unnecessary and it seems to be putting undue burden on people flying with babies, because really, how do you expect us to fly without baby food and formula? Also why pick on the mother and not the dad? Maybe my being foreign also contributed to the event (doesn't really make me feel better) but this is totally unfair whatever race you are.

Forward this to whomever you think would benefit. Safe travels in the future!